Most of my blogs I try to write only after things have fallen together in one way or another. When I'm in a place of retrospection and I have a good story to tell. This time, I've been waiting and waiting to come to some sort of conclusion to tell the story. Well, it hasn't happened yet and actually looks like it might be months away. So here we go anyway.
For months I've felt this stirring in me to move again. It's why I applied for another internship for the summer. It's probably why I've been so distracted. But I've had a hard time distinguishing what is the life God has for me and what is my own selfish impulse. Is my love for California and the coast a real drive to live there, or just something I want to do? I've heard it said that one of biggest ways to obey God was to stay put where He puts you. I've had an incredibly difficult time discerning ANYTHING.
At the same time that my wanting to move is happening, I'm realizing that I'm really, really not doing so well at UNM. That I don't love the campus. That I thrive on community that doesn't exist at UNM. That I honestly don't manage my time very well. That failing this many classes isn't good. That I want to live on campus and dedicate all of my time to school, so I can come home and dedicate all of my time to church in the summers. I've realized that I really, really want to move away to finish college. Go out of state. Anywhere, really.
All of this happened right around the time that UNM let me know that, again, my financial aid fell through. So I registered myself at CNM, and after paying a 30 dollar fee to get my ACT scores sent there, I'll officially be taking classes at a more inexpensive school until I figure out what's next.
Don't get me wrong, this whole concept terrifies me. I don't even know where to start. But looking at this all written down, I guess all of this just kind of works out in a way that is a little too specific to just call neat. I'm just thinking God is working through me and calling me to other things. And I really, really don't think I'll finish school anytime soon at UNM.
This blog has no real value to anyone but me, I guess. No one thing that brings it all together, like most of the other things I write. But writing it helps me figure it out, which is the reason I started blogging in the first place. But, if you see me at CNM this fall and you see me applying for schools in random places, don't be too surprised.
Mom and Dad - we'll talk about this more I promise. Just know that I'm trying to do the most responsible and important thing for me. I know that I am capable of so much and I don't want to waste my college years. I want to travel and live in another place and I want to graduate and I don't feel like this is the best place for me to do this anymore. And I'm terrified and thrilled to think about other options.
Copper Pointe - I promise I won't be gone forever, or even if I'm really leaving. I'll just be another college student who comes home. Also, for all of you who I know will wonder about this, yes, Rob knows and yes, we're totally amazing better than ever like usual. :)
