One year ago exactly, I blogged this.

What an amazing day this was. IC Fall 09 Family, I miss you and our soul food sundays. :)

so i got up off the couch and danced with them while they made food. they fried chicken for TWO HOURS. they made mashed potatoes by actually mashing potatoes. mac n cheese. biscuits. texas toast. sweet tea. hot sauce. we cooked for ever! dancing and singing in the kitchen. amazing swiffer guitar solos. for a while i snuck outside to the porch and listened to hailey and marshall and melissa play guitar and sing worship music while there was an absolutely incredible sunset outside. one side of the sky was swirly and blue and green and one side was deep pink and purple and hailey's voice and guitar playing was amazing.

back inside, all the guys were still playing the black eyed peas and james brown and queen and anything else they could make seem soulful. then christina and joleah and johannes showed up and we finished up the food. soon enough we were setting the table. and by setting the table i mean putting half of the old conference table down on top of the love sac and a few stacks of books, and finding enough plates to put 20 people's food on. made grape koolaid (dead serious) strung the christmas lights inside the garage, and turned off the big lights. lit candles, took pictures. moved the music upstairs. then i dined on DELICIOUS soul food while singing while sitting on the floor with 25 of my closest family members. i was in complete bliss the entire time. it was the best meal i've had here except for thanksgiving. so amazing.

December, you've been so good to me. thank you God. :)

on: things realized.

This blog is gonna be different. I might not even post it. It's more for me than for you, I suppose.

I've realized that the cold and I really can get along. It may or may not have taken a miserable 5 hours in 21 degree weather while lying on the frozen ground for that to happen... but I mean, God sometimes hits you over the head with the things you pray for. (And I really did enjoy that night of shooting video, I promise.)

I've realized I'm horrible at freaking myself out, and I don't do well living alone. I honestly don't know how I did it before. I never, ever want to live by myself again. I get scared and lonely just housesitting for 5 days. That I don't like sleeping in my own house and I'll never be independent enough to live by myself in my own house like some other girls I know, and I'm okay with that.

I've realized I'm spoiled. I get to see my boyfriend every day. We have similar schedules and spend lots of time together. Lots of my friends don't have that luxury. And the fact that I'm missing him so much while he's only been out of town for 3 days is kind of ridiculous. And I'm mad at myself for getting this way. (Housesitting for his parents PROBS doesn't help that situation, but I mean, still.)

I've realized that the reason I do miss him so much is because we do have something special. That I don't just miss the companionship and company, I miss the relationship that we have in person that really can't be explained, or shared through text messaging. Because it's more special than that. It's in his spontaneous remarks and wit. And I miss that when he's not around.

I've realized that I miss this time last year so much because of the family that it created. Because although I loved loved loved singing at 3 am in the pouring rain, it was about something deeper than that. It was about the fact that there were 15 of us doing that and that we loved each other intensely and we were the family I've never had. That Thanksgiving was so special because it really was about being thankful for each other. It was about community and family and love and it wasn't about family politics or football games or even really the food. I don't know how to recreate that and that absolutely terrifies me to death. I have to recreate that.

All for now, suppose.