I'm really turned upside down today because my sister had her first real boyfriend, and broke up with him today. And I know every high school sophomore has a decent amount of distractions and relationships get boring and the people that you date really might not be right, but I can't help but feel heartbroken for the whole situation. High school isn't necessarily the time to be committing long term to someone, sure, but there's still a lot of emotion and turmoil and heartbreak and I feel like I'm reliving it all through my sister.
Meanwhile I'm cuddling with puppies and avoiding spiders (and fake, imaginary spiders. and spiderwebs. and spiders in his hair and that he makes with his hands. shiver.) with my amazing boyfriend and I can look back at all the events and conversations and smiles that got us where we are. Why are things so different for people who are 2 and 3 years younger than ourselves? At what point did I get to the point where I was capable of a serious long term relationship?
Even just the other day I was shopping with my mom and we were talking about Taylor Swift's song "Mine" (yeah, shut up) and she was talking about how nice the the dream was and her exact words were "It'll never happen. Everyone always leaves." And the only thing I said was "I don't believe that." and that was that. My mom has this intensely cynical relationship view and it breaks my heart to see her complete disbelief in long term marriage and real love. Why am I capable of a serious long term relationship when even my mother isn't? Shouldn't she be the one leading me through the steps it takes to create a healthy relationship?
I'm sure some of the heartache I'm feeling for my sister and her ex boyfriend have nothing to do with them at all. I'm afraid of ever having to feel that feeling again. I'm terrified of becoming like every single other member of my extended family. And I want my baby sister to know that there are relationships that don't fail. That love is real and that when we find the right person, we experience it everything, including things like milk and coffee shops. Life is full of wonderful interactions that sometimes become history, and I just have to accept that I can't fix my mother's relationships nor can I create my sister's. But it's definitely not easy. Not tonight.
You have such a sweet and tender heart...I love that about you. I like the Barlowgirl song with the lyrics that go "I believe in love, even when I don't feel it." Love truly isn't a feeling, it's a mingling of "moments and memories" built on top of a commitment...which is what makes genuine love beautiful."To have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, whether I've had my coffee or not..." :D that one's for me and you, the coffee junkies. I think you hit the nail on the head lady, good writing. Love and miss you.
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